we made out on top of his cat.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize