Cold hands, warm shart.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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