when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
