Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
