Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
