First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
