No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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