I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
