best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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