So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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