margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
