i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
