You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
