Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
