planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
