If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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