you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
