I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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