I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
