Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
