Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
