I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
