If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
