well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
