I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
