Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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