Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When are your genitals available?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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