I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
