if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
