hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
