Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
