k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
