Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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