Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
