Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
