I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
