So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize