Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
