I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
