2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
