Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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