So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm bleeding and have questions
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