I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
