when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
