Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize