Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
