p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
