At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
