I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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