I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
