moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
