think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
