They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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