I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
