grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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