Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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