Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
