I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
