did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
