Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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