I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize