That's intense
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize