it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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