Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
